my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
