She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
