Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.