I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
