Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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