The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
