I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize