it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
