You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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