he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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