Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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