So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Michael Bay diarrhea
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
