my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
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Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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Is Oprah even human
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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