Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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