kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
