I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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