i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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