Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
