we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
