Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
