okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
