I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
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I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
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Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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