On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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