his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
