i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
