i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
