so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
