I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
