you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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