That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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