We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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