he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
