i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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