He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
