Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His hands were made for my vagina.
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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