i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
