Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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