It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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