I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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