I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
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I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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