guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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