the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
