how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
