then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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