I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Enjoy the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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