So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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