were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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