You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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