i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
