there's paper in my vomit.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
