dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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