bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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