My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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