yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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