she woke up with a sticky ear
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
