sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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