god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
