I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So vagazzling was a success
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
