I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
