I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
