Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize