This dress was meant to end up on your floor
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
